A Case of Lost Seriousness
by Jack E. Peace
Summary: The characters of Lost have gone haywire...or could it be they're just acting like themselves. Decide for yourself in this fic that involves brain surgery, slushies and hero poses.


_Disclaimer: _Yep they're mine...all mine. Right...

A/N: So, my best friend gave me the idea to write this so, thanks to Lucie. This story is meant to be taken humorously, so just keep that in mind. Enjoy and review.

"Kate! Kate! We need you, come quickly!" Charlie shouted as he ran down the beach, looking for the dark-haired convict. He spotted her standing on the edge of the beach and quickened his pace. "Kate!"

In a huffy manner, Kate turned to face him. "Not now Charlie." She sighed with a wave of her hand. "I'm thinking." She stared back out at the beach. "Just go away."

Charlie stared at her for a moment; she always stood on the beach and looked like she was pondering the weight of the world. He always thought she was very deep. "What are you thinking about, Kate?" He asked, ignoring the tragedy for the moment.

Though it was clear she wanted to get back to her brooding, Kate looked at him once more. "About these pink shoes I saw at Payless two years ago." She answered, pursing her lips. "I wonder if they're still there." Her brow knitted and she rested her fingers against her forehead.

Giving her a strange look, Charlie raised an eyebrow. "Okay." He said. "Do you know where Jack is? We need him, there's a medical emergency."

His words seemed to catch Kate's attention. "A medical emergency?" She repeated. She loved these. "I'll go find Jack!" And with that, she went running down the beach.

Charlie watched as she ran; it seemed that Kate ran everywhere, always shouting for Jack. No one else could whine and shout quite like her.

As she ran, Kate did indeed shout out the name of the doctor that she liked in spite of his chauvinist attitude. She passed Sawyer, who was sitting on the beach without a shirt on doing absolutely nothing but being shirtless; she passed Sayid who was building a couch out of bamboo and leaves; beyond Sayid there was Shannon, who was tanning naked.

But Kate paid no attention to them because, frankly, she had a one track mind and the track that it followed included Jack and being a hero. She had the feeling that she could do both if she only ran fast enough.

Finally, Kate found Jack and Locke in the middle of the woods; Locke appeared to be scouting the terrain and his companion was staring at the ground. "Jack!" Kate cried in a rather dramatic fashion. She paused to strike a pose, tossing her hair back and fixing a worried expression upon her face. "There's an emergency! We need you!"

Lifting his head, Jack's brow knitted. "Not now Kate." His voice was gruff. "I'm busy."

Tilting her head, Kate gave him a confused look. "Doing what?"

"Being a hero." Jack answered, striking a pose as well. He lifted his chin, put his hands on his hips and tried to look and sound important.

Sniffing, Kate looked at him. "But...there's an emergency!" She cried.

Breaking his hero pose, Jack turned toward her, his stony face softening; he put his hands on her shoulders. "Listen to me, Kate, you'll have to handle it." She looked terrified.

Shaking her head, Kate howled, "But I don't know how!"

Jack continued to stare at her in what was a comforting somewhat frightening way. "Kate, you can do anything! You delivered a baby, you stitched curtains for the caves and figured out how to make Kool-Aid from tree bark...you can handle anything." Kate shook her head; she was never good in pressure situations until people were counting on her. "When you get afraid, just do what I do-"

Interrupting him, Kate said, "But you're never afraid." She pointed out, still sniffing.

Considering her words, Jack nodded. "You're right, I'm not. But, when I think I might be afraid, I just count to five."

Giving him a worried look, Kate started to cry again. "But I don't know how!" She buried her face in her hands.

Raising an eyebrow, Jack stared at her. "What do you mean you don't know how?" He'd never met anyone who didn't know how to count to five.

"Well, in pre-school, I robbed the toy safe and had to go on the lamb. I never learned how to count." Kate explained. Jack had no idea her life of crime had started so early.

Patting her head, Jack pushed her back the way she had come. "They're counting on you, Kate. I'm too important to go back there just yet; I'll come back to the caves when the crisis is almost over, take control, undermine you and take all the credit." Again, his hero pose returned. "Now, go; I'm counting on you to make my job easy."

Nodding, Kate turned and ran back through the woods. Locke stopped scouting the woods and turned back to Jack. "Let's go, Jack, the Seven Eleven is this way." He gestured.

Frowning, Jack stared at him. "I don't trust you Locke." He informed the bald man. "There's something not right about you."

Clapping the man on the back, Locke nodded. "That's fine, Jack, that's fine." He turned back toward the direction he had previously indicated. "Now, let's go; I'm craving a slushy."

"I just don't trust you." Jack said again before he followed Locke. The man always seemed to know what he was doing.

Kate returned to the caves, breathless and sweaty but her hair was still perfectly curled with not a bit of frizz. She paused at the mouth of the caves, looking for Charlie; she spotted him, drawing a rendition of the _Mona Lisa _on the bandages around his fingers, and she rushed over to him.

"I'm here!" Kate called importantly, attempting to do her own version of Jack's hero pose. It didn't work out; she looked like a drug addict. "Where's the emergency."

Charlie looked up at her curiously. "What? Where's Jack?" Claire came over to stand beside Charlie, seeming oblivious to the passion-filled glance he sent in her direction, bouncing baby Aaron to get him to stop crying.

Frowning, Kate looked at him. "Jack's busy, he sent me." She narrowed her eyes. "I can handle it, Charlie, I can handle anything."

"She's right." Claire chirped. "She delivered my baby, cut his umbilical cord, showed me how to breast feed and cured his colic. She _can _handle everything!" Kate was enjoying her little fan club.

Shrugging, Charlie looked at Kate once more. "Then she should be all right with brain surgery." Kate nodded and headed off toward where the patient would be found.

Once Kate had gone, Charlie looked at Claire. "You know Claire..." He began nervously and the blonde girl looked at him. "I really like you."

Smiling sweetly, Claire touched his cheek. "Aw, I know Charlie, you're so sweet."

"No, I mean I really like you. I mean...I couldn't do anything before because you were pregnant but now...well...let's just say that don't call the band Drive Shaft for nothing."

Grinning, Claire nodded. "Aw, Charlie, you're so romantic."

Shrugging, Charlie followed Claire in the direction of the person needing brain surgery. "So...how 'bout finding a sitter for Aaron tonight?"

_So, what do you guys think? Want more? Want this story to die forever? Just let me know!_


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